Heartbreak

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance

Knowing this, we are aware that there will be times when our hearts hurt and break. Each of us has experienced that heart break in one form or another. Thinking back on your life, what makes your heart break, and why?

And that is this week's question from Christian Women Online and like many of the previous ones, I have to stop and think about what I want to say. Not because I have had my heart broken so many times that I can't choose, because that hasn't happened and I do count myself fortunate in that respect. What it does mean though is that I have to dig a bit further back into my own history to try and think of something that makes (or made) my heart break.

Of course, there are the little upsets that every one has, such being let down by a friend; or the more painful events like the death of a grandparent, but while those events did upset me and cause me to cry or be a bit morose for a while, I can't say that they broke my heart because those are simply life's hard knocks and you learn a bit about yourself each time they happen and generally they make you a better person for it.

However, I don't think that I have ever had the breaking down sobbing kind of hurt that this question seems to be asking about. Not unless you consider the time that my parents left me at my boarding school for the very first time at the age of about 12 - I seem to remember that I was very busy at first being shown around and unpacking and stuff like that I didn't have time to think about it, but I also remember that it didn't take long for me to realise that I wasn't going to see my family for a couple of weeks and that this would be my life for the next six or seven years.

Oh dearie me, I was devastated, but I soon made friends and settled in to the daily life of school. All though out my school life I didn't like the end of school holidays and I would get grumpy and twitchy and want to drag out the leaving home for as long as possible. It is a memory that I can accept these days because that school was the best place for me at the time as it catered to deaf children and so I got the best education possible and so I can't really say my heart was broken, but I still didn't like going back to school! ;-)

It has taken me a long time to accept any kind of goodbyes with equanimity as I expect that subconsciously I associated them with going back to school. I am glad to say that I am fine with it now, in fact, I recall telling Mum off a few months back for leaving too quickly because she thought that I still didn't like goodbyes - well, she knows that I have gotten over all of that now; so much so that I don't even mind if Dad comes up to the car to wave me off - this was one of my trigger points as Dad would always seem to be more emotional about the whole thing, which set me off of course!!